Man calls 911. On himself...

Guy shoots through a drive thru window after employee can't  hear his order cause the man has his tunes TOO loud in his car

Illegal to leave your windows down in your  car while it's parked?  Yep.  That'll be $81 please.

If  you wanna rob a shoe store, you should definitley pitch a tent on their  roof.  Cause no one will see ya camping on a roof..............

Man who gets great customer service stalks  woman & pays all her bills after stealing her mail.

Woman arrested after being drunk at a sex store and bitting the manager on the  shin.  Oh....she's a prosecutor for the state.

A ten-year old kid is gonna get to sit in on the drums with the RHCP.  His  parents used to play the band for him when he was a baby. 

Man assaulted with hammer by woman in a French Maid's  costume from Wal-Mart.

Man has sex with couch on curbside.

Drunk man urinates on cop car.

Woman discovers at 60 years-old that she married her FATHER.

When you go to a check cashing place and cash a check worth $10,000 you should definitely leave the  loot in your car while you get lunch. 

Neighbors sell family's dog on Craigslist.

 Man jams $450 worth of shoes, clothes & cologne in his  pants.

An upset man pulls a gun at a pregnant woman for smoking.

Walmart employee rips up $100 bills because  she thought they were "fake"  Lawsuit......

The Carolina Panthers  snagged a win yesterday over the Saints but due to the lock out with the regular  season NFL referees, replacement refs are being used.  One had to  be pulled from the game yesterday because he's a HUGE Saint's fan. 

Man tries to run over a cop.  Cop shoots  man in hand.  Man wins $26,500 in lawsuit.

Operation "Last Call" includes arrest of two 400 pound strippers.

Two chicks steal $450 worth of undies from Sears. 

If your EX moves in next door with his new  girlfriend, get the bird to swear at em.

Reason #589 why drugs are VERY bad kids......

Fighting with the spouse=putting a Chihuahua down your pants....

Dude steals woman's sex toys.  She proves the toys  are hers....she has pictures!

If you have a drinking straw filled with drugs in your "special place" you MAY drive crazy.

Best place for an empty beer bottle is NOT in a cop car.

It's not a great idea to demonstrate how to  shoot a gun while it's loaded. Drunk, nude and performing sex acts with liquor bottles is  NO way to go through life lady.

Team Building Gone Wrong=Lawsuit.

Wearing a dead cats tail and guts isn't just wrong...it's also  illegal.

If you're going to prostitute yourself, bringing your 85 year old grandfather  along could be an issue.

Dude sues after an over-the-counter male  enhancement pill makes makes him bleed.  Ugh.

Nothing says "romantic" like almost dying  after mailing yourself to your girlfriend.

Employee of the month needs drugs for his  girlfriend. He's a cop.  He asks another cop for drugs.  Is  that wrong?

Oh  the TSA.  Lawsuit ensues after they strap an adult sex toy to the outside of a couple's luggage.

Guy "accidently" kills 70,000 chickens while hammered.

If you're boyfriend plays video games too  often, there's only one thing to do:  bite him.

Woman calls cops to report of a man driving  down the road, sucking on a sex toy.  THEN it gets weird.

If you tell a stripper you don't want a lap  dance, THIS may happen.

Shoplifting spree:  guy steals a $200  purse, $60 sunglasses, and a $20 Penis Extender.

When  you steal a credit card you immediately go to 7-Eleven and spend $1600

You can call the cops using your cigs.  Oh........wait.

Stealing the bedding, coffee pot, hair dryer  and more from a Holiday Inn is wrong.  Trying to blame your "evil twin" that doesn't exist is not an excuse.

If you're underage & driving drunk you  may NOT wanna tell the cops your Dad is an "Autobot"

If you have an erection for more than 3 days, ya may wanna hit the docs.

Drunk & thinking you're Wolverine.  Doesn't end well.

Good advice...........

 If you're a woman, do NOT run a stop sign or the cops will strip search ya in  the middle of the road AND....

A woman has a mystery illness causes woman to  grow fingernails instead of hair.  Ugh.

When hammered, try not to pass out on the  baggage inspection machine.  With X-Ray pic...cool.

If you ask your Mom to bring you a shot of  Vodka and she refuses, you have only one option.....

Dog eats false teeth after roommate fight.

Country star Randy Travis was arrested late  Tuesday night for driving drunk. Not a huge deal but..... he was NAKED.  And went to jail NAKED. CLASSIC mugshot.

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